(Read Ephesians 4)
One Thursday a month, some men from our neighborhood and from our church gather at our house to watch a faith-based video series and then discuss how we see the plots of the episodes affecting our lives. We have had some fantastic discussions. Nothing is off limits. It’s a space of trust where what is discussed in the group stays there. It’s at our house, and our 1-year-old puppy often gets bored or rambunctious or both. Last night was no exception.
One of my friends must have worn the perfect-smelling deodorant because our dog wouldn’t leave him alone. “Well-behaved puppy you have,” (B) joked. I was watching him from across the room and was on my way over to distract him. I’m not an expert on dog training. Everyone has their own method of discipline, and some work better than others. My experience with puppies is that sometimes you just have to replace what they shouldn’t be chewing with something acceptable—swapping bad behavior for good.
Coincidentally, it was the same brother pestered by our dog who shared very deep thoughts, an epiphany of sorts, for this devotional. While meditating on Ephesians 4:29–30, he was awakened to a truth that impacted him personally. “We must be mindful of what we say and what comes out of our mouths. We should speak in a way that is encouraging, helpful, and positive,” he began.
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
Ephesians 4:29
(B) immersed himself in a word study of the passage. What he shared was fascinating! The word “unwholesome” in some translations, from the original Greek sapros, means “rotten,” “putrid,” “no longer fit for use,” “corrupt.” He added, “Words like this should not come from a believer. Paul uses the Greek word sapros to describe the kind of speech believers should avoid. Sapros was often used to describe decaying fruit or rotten fish. Consider if you left week-old fish in your trash can—what would it smell like? It would literally ruin the atmosphere in your home.”
Paul applies it metaphorically to speech that is harmful, destructive, or morally spoiled. The opposite is the use of speech that builds up (oikodomē—edifying, constructive) and gives grace (beneficial, uplifting). The focus isn’t just on avoiding bad words, but on actively choosing words that strengthen, encourage, and help others in their faith. The emphasis of this Scripture isn’t that occasionally we should use kind words, but that we should consistently use them.
In the spoken sense, sapros means words that are corrupt, harmful, or degrading—things that spiritually smell bad and are unfit for use. In contrast, “building up” means more than saying something nice. It’s moral goodness, usefulness, and a benefit to others. It is a construction term meaning “to build a house” and can be defined as speech that strengthens, supports, and adds to someone’s life. It converts our words into a gift, offering divine help, encouragement, or blessing.
“Then, the very next sentence (verse 30) after Paul exhorts us to not use ‘rotten’ words, he tells us to not grieve the Holy Spirit,” (B) continued. “I firmly believe this means that our words can grieve the Holy Spirit. In the Greek (lypeo) means ‘to distress, to be sad, cause grief, be in heaviness, be sorrowful.’”
“And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.”
Ephesians 4:30
What I personally found interesting in my own lexical study (there are some big words for you) is that “And” (kai) in this context, directly connects our speech to its spiritual impact. Verses 29 and 30 are not two distinct thoughts, but one linked, impactful command. The grammar suggests cause and effect: Rotten speech = spiritual damage. When believers use harmful, ungracious, tearing-down speech, we not only hurt people, we sadden the Holy Spirit who lives within us.
Why does our harmful speech also offend the Holy Spirit? Paul answers this: we “were sealed for the day of redemption.” The Spirit is our divine seal and guarantee until final salvation, and our words should align with His character and mission.
When our words are untruthful, ungracious, or destructive:
- We contradict the Spirit’s nature.
- We disrupt the unity He creates in the body (Ephesians 4:3–4).
- We hinder His work of sanctifying us and building up the church.
(B) said, “Our words have actions well beyond how they impact others, and what we say can also grieve the Holy Spirit. We need to be mindful of this and bridle our tongue, bring it under control to not hurt people and to not grieve the Holy Spirit.”
“With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.”
James 3:9–10
What a stark contrast—that the same tongue that can sing hymns, offer prayer, and declare praise can also speak evil against human beings! All of us bear the image of God, so by cursing others, we are indirectly dishonoring the One who created us. James points out that a spring doesn’t pour out both fresh water and salt water, and likewise, the mouth shouldn’t pour out both praise and poison.
Destructive speech against others makes our outward piety shallow. Jesus taught us that we are to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind, and love our neighbor the same. That love is intended to be inseparable, which doesn’t fit with the slanderous tongue. If your speech builds up God (praise) but tears down people (cursing), there’s a disconnect in the heart. It shows a lack of control and impetuous faith. True maturity is when words consistently align with God’s Spirit—blessing both Him and all His children.
I absolutely love James’s use of “We” instead of “You.” “With it we bless… and with it we curse.” He includes himself in the indictment. He isn’t finger-pointing, he’s acknowledging a shared human struggle. In a culture where blessings and curses carried spiritual weight, James is saying: Your words either align with God’s purposes or oppose them. Our tongues are the litmus test of spiritual wholeness—if our words are divided, our hearts are divided.
(B) observed, “Sapros is also used in Matthew when Jesus talks about works and a tree producing good fruit or bad fruit.”
“So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit.”
Matthew 7:17–18
Each one of us and our tongues bear good (kalos) fruit and bad (sapros) fruit, but it’s how we exercise control toward others that shows our true nature. The other day, my wife made a comment about me that was generally harmless. I was focused on work and didn’t show her the grace that I pledged to 40 years ago. When we were first married, I would have laughed or engaged in playful dialogue about her remarks. But when we’re distracted and stressed, we lose sight that those we love the most—the ones closest to us—are also made in the image of God and deserve our mercy, kindness, patience, and utmost love. I nearly responded with a berating comment, but then I remembered (B)’s citation of Ephesians 4:29. I love her, and I asked myself, how would a nasty comment do anything to strengthen our marriage?
In Jesus’ tree-and-fruit imagery, He was teaching not to judge merely by appearances but by the consistent results of a person’s life and teaching. Fruit reveals the root. A person’s words, deeds, and influence show the reality of their heart. There is no middle ground—a tree is either healthy or rotten, its fruit either good or bad.
Don’t be deceived by outward charisma, giftedness, or appearances. Look at the long-term fruit: Does this life or teaching produce love, holiness, justice, humility? Or does it result in pride, division, corruption? A healthy, Spirit-rooted life produces consistent good fruit, while a corrupt heart inevitably yields rotten outcomes. Jesus is warning His hearers: true discipleship isn’t proven by claims or appearances but by the undeniable evidence of a transformed life.
When our words are a weapon, they affront our target and the Holy Spirit. We normally don’t consider the impact of our sarcasm, insensitivity, or vitriol when we use our words carelessly, but the effect is similar to what Jesus was feeling in the Garden of Gethsemane. (B) said, “When Jesus came back to see the disciples sleeping, Matthew used the phrase meaning ‘surrounded by grief’ or ‘overwhelmed with sorrow.’”
“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
Proverbs 12:18
“Rash words,” literally babbled out, are compared to sword thrusts—sharp, violent, and wounding. Speech that is uncontrolled can stab the heart and pierce relationships. In contrast, the wise carefully weigh their words. It’s not about intelligence. Those who have discernment allow their speech to act like medicine: restoring, soothing, reconciling, and building trust.
In a similar discipline with a puppy, we should always strive to replace mean, hateful words with kind, gentle, and supportive ones. Christ’s model of forgiveness—for every sin we’ve ever committed or will commit—should be our example and motivation.
Foolish speech is impulsive, careless, and destructive. It may be quick, but it leaves lasting scars. Wise speech is thoughtful, measured, and redemptive. It brings peace and wholeness rather than division and pain. Words cut deeper than physical swords because wounds to the soul can last far longer than wounds to the flesh.
Depth of mercy! Can there be mercy still reserved for me?
Can my God His wrath forbear? Me, the chief of sinners, spare?
I have long withstood His grace: long provoked Him to His face;
Would not hearken to His calls; grieved Him by a thousand falls…
There for me the Savior stands, shows His wounds and spreads His hands:
God is love! I know, I feel; Jesus weeps, but loves me still.
—Charles Wesley, “Depths of Love”
Key Applications:
- Do my words, habits, and relationships reflect the Spirit’s work—or something else?
- Pause before speaking: Are my words a sword or a salve?
- When tempted to blurt, consider the long-term wound it might cause.
- Intentionally use words to build up: encouragement, counsel, truth spoken in love.