(Read Ephesians 4)
“I’m sorry we are late,” he said with a large grin, “I just came from my anger management class.” I had only known my friend for a few months, so I wasn’t entirely sure he was telling me the truth. (D) is a warm, cheerful, engaging man with a heart larger than his frame. Two minutes after walking into our small group gathering for the first time, he introduced himself and gave me a gigantic hug. This is the guy who claimed he had an anger problem. “No, no, I’m serious,” he protested. “I struggle with it.”
Esau asked, “What’s the meaning of all these flocks and herds I met?”
“To find favor in your eyes, my lord,” he said.
But Esau said, “I already have plenty, my brother. Keep what you have for yourself.”
“No, please!” said Jacob. “If I have found favor in your eyes, accept this gift from me. For to see your face is like seeing the face of God, now that you have received me favorably. 11 Please accept the present that
was brought to you, for God has been gracious to me and I have all I need.” And because Jacob insisted,
Esau accepted it.
Genesis 33:8-10
This story always blew me away. Jacob, an early patriarch of the Old Testament, had conned his twin brother Esau out of his birthright many years earlier. He spent 20 years hiding from his angry brother, assuming Esau was out for his blood. Jacob was set to meet his brother at the ford Jabbok. Jacob gushed when seeing Esau’s face. Hours before their fateful meeting, Jacob wrestled with God. He said the appearance of Esau was like “seeing the face of God.” I doubt that Jacob was pumping his brother with compliments; seeing the joy of forgiveness and happiness on Esau’s face was evidence that God was working on them both behind the scenes. He probably viewed Esau’s forgiveness as an extension of God’s protection.
“The reconciliation of Esau and Jacob is a great Biblical example of anger and forgiveness. Jacob was so afraid, and Esau forgave him,” (D) said.
I asked (D) to tell me more about the anger issues in his life.
“It’s ongoing. I’m reading a book written by a well-known pastor who lashed out in anger for a long time. It was part of his way of dealing with things at home. He was the perfect role model in the church, but not at home. It came down to the way he treated his wife and his kids. Eventually, his wife stood up to him and told the truth about his behavior. His pride got in the way, and he was quick to anger. The same thing happened to me,” (D) added.
“Last week, my wife helped me with the post-graduate paper I was writing. She was just trying to help me and expose things to me. I got angry. When I get angry, I shut down. I don’t want to talk. I don’t think that is the right thing to do as a Christian,” he confessed. “This was the wrong thing for me to do. How we cope with anger sometimes makes it hard to reconcile with that person immediately. We allow the devil to take hold of our hearts because it is a problem of the heart giving it off to pride and ego.”
I was nodding and listening to (D) tell his story. I can relate all too well. I told him I’m usually calm and peaceful around my friends, people in our small group, and people at church, but I’ll lash out around my kids or my wife. So, I turned the question to my friend, asking him why he thinks we fall into these traps.
“Pride,” he said simply. “Pride has many ways to get into our hearts and minds. The problem is that when you get angry, you don’t listen. Sometimes you take a stand and turn everything into a battle. You have to win that battle. There’s no humility in it. It can be your attitude. It can be your ego. It can be your selfishness. It’s just a battle that we go through, but we need to stop and talk to ourselves and commit to change.
In Genesis, Joseph’s forgiveness of his brothers is an excellent example of how the Bible tells us how to deal with anger. Joseph was beaten up by his brothers and sold as a slave. He suffered torment, isolation, and imprisonment but forgave his brothers with open arms. (D) continued, “If I were in his place, I’d be more than just angry with them.”
But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.
Genesis 50:19-21
Why didn’t God prevent Joseph’s troubles from happening? If God cared about Joseph, and by all accounts we know He did, how could He let it happen? As an arrogant young man, Joseph wouldn’t have known the answer. But Joseph, refined by God, knew. “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good…” God always sees the picture we can’t. He sees the bigger picture. Joseph saw the big picture too and recognized that he HAD to go through his trials to get to where God wanted him.
Can you fix anger on your own?
(D) replied, “No, because you’re going to fail every time. Even if you tried and succeeded for a little bit, you are going to fail again. You’re not going anywhere unless you truly dive into God’s Word and grow that relationship within you. The more you know about Jesus and become like Jesus, the more people around you will see the difference in you.”
“I just need to listen,” (D) said. “Then, when my wife interrupts, I do the same thing back to her. Anger is evil and is not something of God.” Admittedly, listening is a skill I don’t have. At my wife’s urging at a physical 30 years ago, I asked my doctor to check my hearing. He did some basic tests and chuckled. He said that hearing wasn’t my issue. It was listening.
Is God telling us something through our struggles with anger, or is He telling us something through the process of working through it?
“God will allow you to go through it. God will allow you to see how ugly it is and always gives you a way out. It’s a choice, and I make that choice when we fight. I try not to put gas on a fire, igniting an argument, and I try to control my voice which gets louder and louder and louder. But then the argument happens.”
“I see how ugly I can be with my anger because it’s not of God, it’s of the devil, the gratification of the flesh. The Bible says that our flesh is weak. And this society we’re in feels the same way. It does whatever it wants, whenever it wants.” Many people do the same thing. “But not if you are a Christian,” (D) added. “The first time I really noticed my anger was when I was angry at God for allowing me to come home from my deployment with all my injuries. Why did you allow this to happen to me? Why God? Then I remember being angry at my ex for her infidelity.” Anger I thought, is usually directed at everyone but ourselves and even God too.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:31-32
God’s word, through Paul, instructs us to rid ourselves of rage, anger, and all the dark emotional baggage in our lives. We are urged to be kind, loving, and forgiving of others, not just to be nice, but because God first forgave us in Jesus Christ. Mercy and grace were shown to us at the cross; nothing is better than to halt a bitter, evil, and unrelenting heart. Forgiveness is the antidote to hatred and the answer to anger.
(D) told me, “Anger continues to build up, but to work through it, I immerse myself in God’s word. Prayer. Prayer is one of the most powerful tools we have as Christians, and it’s free. It helps to humble ourselves. We can then put pride aside and ask God not just to interfere in the situation but to help us see our ugliness and reconcile with that person on the other side.”
“We’re supposed to love our enemies,” (D) declared. “Jesus commanded the disciples to love the enemy and do good to them. To bless them. You cannot just read the Gospel of Christ and recite it. If you don’t live it, you’re a hypocrite.”
Paul is a good example of somebody who was an angry man. He killed, persecuted, and hunted Christians. He was really angry, and Jesus slapped him upside the head, and afterward, he was not the same angry guy he was before his conversion.
“Paul spoke the truth. He wasn’t a people pleaser, but he was a people lover. He loved. He wrote the truth. That’s why someone like him wrote so many books in the Bible, and we’re still reading them today. So it’s just an amazing transformation. And that’s what God is looking for, for every Christian to be transformed into the likeness of his son. I think Paul did.”
What is love, and how does it help?
“When you have anger issues, and you’re repenting, you ask people to forgive you. If you truly want to change somebody, you love them. And when you’re deep in God’s word, guess what? You will know exactly where to find love. Watch. Read. Practice in life day in and day out, and you will become like Jesus.”
If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:3-7
The kind of love Paul wrote about reflects Christ’s love that focuses on others, not oneself. How a person lives for Jesus and how a person lives to serve others is an ongoing process. One that is the flip side of anger and will keep it in check.
- Forgiveness centered on love will prevent us from becoming bitter and angry. Remember this when faced with an opportunity to lash out in anger. Read Ephesians 4, and allow it to make a difference.
- Believers of Christ, how are you extending Christ’s grace to others? Don’t just say it. Show it.
- Each time you move closer to being like Jesus, people will see that change in you. And the first ones to see the difference will be those closest to you. Take that first step.
Where else in your life can you live out the teachings of Christ? Look for next week’s Devotion.